13

listening to the radio

if you would

just remember me

when i am just

a poppy, a daisy in

the gates of the cemetery

remember

my body against the

sunrise

remember

my face in your neck

will you remember me

i pray please

remember me

the other

defeated me

remember the moon

on my body

or the starlight

in my eyes

remember

remember just me

for once just don’t let my

poem or tears

fall in never-more

maybe forever

but remember

my hair you

played with

remember my hands interlocked

remember waiting my

smile, you

these tears

12

random love poem

i can taste the kisses on my lips

that have never been there.

i don’t know whether your first

name starts with a j or an x.

all i know is that your touch

will satisfy me and

that your love will

feel my deepest longing and fill it

and i will be able to call you 

HOME

11

your utter betrayal

mutter, mutter, mutter

you do this when

my heart began to flutter

started to melt like butter

your mind is ship

without a rudder, lost,

confused, my minds tell

me love her love her

now i am just

smutter to you and your

friendly gutter, in

the gutter my heart,

bleeding, muttering

ill and discontent

did you think you

just walk and

talk my mind and

lock up the truth

you’re making my

heart rock and you

mock my existence with

your knock on the gates

keys please next time

to forget you, i’m

plugging in my iv

see, now my blood

falls with my addiction

and free, be, glee

fill me in place, in

the place of hard, cold

and otherwise useless

lies. these i despise

crooked, filthy untruth

let loose in the ball-

yard

dear in ear

all year. cannot go

hear i leer and smear

blood over my face

in disgrace of our

affront, afraid pace

lace my hope with heroin

so at least i’ll loose

the weight, the baggage

you attached to my heart

and soul. i kept myself

whole. it has my role.

you console, your

goal was to have me

in your heart

be the art you admire

and now your wants are

crusting me with a mace

to my cart, my mark

i’m smart i could see

through your love-dart

but it hit me in the eye

my mind

instead, preferably lace

your false love, hope,

with crystal meth so

when you plunge me

when you submerge me

into the depths, depression,

i can stay awake for

days waiting for a flash

not tormented by

your lies and so i can

feel bugs crawl under

my skin rather than

your fingers

clenching

and pulverising my heart.

unplug your mind

from your rug and

get into the real world

your mind is sick, kick

start your life with

some slick dude who

will eventually “fick” and

lick your mind into

the place i am now. no.

you’re his, look at my

eyes. i want you to see

you again so you can

look at deeply and

repeat your bleat

again. i want you to

see the joy again, then

i want you to see the

wells pour out. more

than ever before

glory, your

wants and taunts

i am glad you are gone.

i don’t wish to

happen. i care too much

if that happened, i

would come in like a

baer and scare

that rare son of a

mare. all i am

trying to say is you

need to pay your

dues, let a rag in

may you be

well and your

heart gay.

now you have me

dining alone

with the fear of dying

alone.

i do not hate you

but to negate i am

not allowed to hate, if

you are late, i wouldn’t

take the bait. i wouldn’t

say great. i wouldn’t look

to mate right away. right,

i just cannot stand

your face desperate voice

or beauty because you

give reason trust in

your lust, disgust

stems of this blech

unsettling old dust

if i must confess, forget

i exist. i do not need

a larger puzzle to

put back together in

my chest, muzzle my

breast, my seizing

breast. i cannot

rest. sizzle and drizzle

your falseness over me

and let me cleft them

with my mind’s crest

it’s sharp it’s

just a harp meant

sing you a song.

if anything i want to see you see me see

you see me on the floor

sleepless, convulsing,

loathing my tears and

bleeding among my

besieged heart, if trust

was a structure, you

climbed to the top forgot

your harness was attached and

jumped under with

the intent of relent

but instead your jump

made the structure slump

and you pulled on last time

and it crashed down

on top of me. i am

sitting in front of a

remote-controlled fire-

place, wishing someone

would save me from

this unexpected wave

this poem sets you free

yesterday i sung an

hour for you. it

rung in my heart and in

yours too whilst you

were unaware not even

there. glare. my

song was long and

strong and you took it

wrong, that i don’t

belong but your gong

resounds still and your

words nil.

i’m not going to

let one bitch wreck

my wish to get out of

the ditch and find

love rich i am not

searching to itch,

i’m not even trying

to get hitched, i am

pulling out the stitch.

avoiding emotional lynch

and escaping witch-es

which strive to

glitch my heart apart

this betrayal

you are a liar

i am a victim

and you can’t

even see it. 

10

The Crows

                “My crowlings, we were created before time, thus we are eternal. Lo and behold, we were once as the spectrum; glorious, magnificent. Come, gather round.

                “Before the first of our reproduction cycles and before the first age had been put to an end by the fallen firmament of God, even before our separation from the celestial, we were majestic. We, the fathers, were the most beautiful creatures. Our feathers were of all brilliant colours and our melody was beyond all other creatures’ song, groan and hum; praise. We told ourselves ‘we would ascend to the height of the sun for we could be more glorious than the Giver of Life’.

                “All of creation stood in awe as we flew in one mass, formation, unison power, radiant in melody as we sang our high, majestic song; beautiful song. The light caught our colours and shaded the Earth in feathery rainbows of shadow.

                “On the sun, there are no trees which bear fruit. On the sun, there is no water of which to drink. No, the sun is desolate. We began to grow accustomed to charred flesh and burnt, coagulated blood and, if someone died in time for supper, raw flesh; we rejoiced. Oh, the juices and texture of freshly slaughtered meat became the only comfort on the ball of flame.

                “Our voices began to falter and disappear from the yelling. Now, the cracks of the remnants manifest themselves most powerfully as caws. Children, the war not only took our voice. The sun, children burnt our flesh! Great is our woe! The day we were created! Ah! I should say, the beginning when we were created. Cursed be it! Now our fate is to fly up and down the earth and to and fro to screech hoarsely in the ears of men. What more could we do? Our chance of beautiful taken from us, we had to use men to elevate us, to adore us, to empower us.

                “Children, you cry out to God for meat! You wander for lack of meat. Look upon your flesh, your coverings thereof. Rejoice! When you see the peaceful sleep of dead being torn apart by our beaks. Tremble for your flesh will be feasted upon! Remember when your breath ceases our screech from above and beneath. Let it be your lullaby.

                “We were the most beautiful, as brilliant as the sun itself. Are we not akin to the Giver of Life? Shall we not try and fill the world with our majesty? We shall ascend to the throne of Heaven. Children heed!

                The sole Raven lifted beak high and screeched.

                “This is a call to all those fallen. Arise. Take your place amongst the stars once again. We shall once again siege High Heaven and make our dwelling there. The Giver of Life is not greater than we; we shall exceed.

                “We shall break open the gates and I will declare, ‘the prince of the air is come! The consumer of all shall consume light. My reign over the earth draws to a close and my reign over all draws near!’”

                The final battle is here.

9

Cycles

Viewboat,

After viewboat,

Passing.

Viewboat,

After viewboat,

Water.

Silent,

Hollow’d galley,

Drifting

Viewboat,

After viewboat,

Bypassing

Viewboat,

After viewboat,

Swans.

Steady,

Eternal force,

Moving.

Viewboat,

After viewboat,

Passing-by.

Viewboat,

After viewboat,

Open

Sultry,

Quiet hymns,

Resounding

The boat,

As refuge,

To love.

The sound,

As incense,

To God.

The water,

As life,

To men

Viewboat,

After viewboat,

Haven.

8

The Ravens Gather For a Death

The Ravens gather for a death

Cold wind hits back

Black silhouettes of darkness

Fly in lack.

One of those death parties,

You know?

Where the trees rustle,

And winds blow.

Almost like a memorial

To celebrate life

In a way,

In terms of strife.

They join together

Gather round

Eye gawkingly

Fly without sound.

Cold-fingered Dawn

Arises from afar,

The last time this corpse

Will see her star.

I watch

From afar off.

Look at their ritual,

Hear their scoff.

They call me,

They entice

They beckon thither,

Partake! In our rotting sacrifice.

One of those death parties,

You know?

Far away,

In the bloodied snow.

I advance further,

Closer to the Feast.

A choice meal, delicacy,

Enjoyed by the Least.

The Ravens gather for a death,

Something to love,

Flying up up high

On the wings of a dove.

One of those death parties,

You see?

One those,

All full of Glee.

Almost like a memorial

Together to eat

Celebrate the life

Of our favourite meat.

7

Breathe

I’ve forgotten how the pine and spruce breathe the cold, crisp winter air with love, acceptance and lust fully and deeply into their being and send that very air into the needles of green, solid green, which shoot the cold out and shake off the snow only to bring new life.

I’ve forgotten how it feels to be among my friends from my home in the snow across the sea, all too far to be so close yet distant and welcoming.

I’ve forgotten the embraces outside in the cold winter air, the kisses beside roaring birch fires and the love beyond this loving world.

I’ve forgotten where you take me when all is melting, fading and changing away in an attempt to be more, more and more beautiful than that wonderful land is.

I’ve forgotten what a gift we have received; Peace and Love in Expanse; all we need, is it not? A place under the stars, in the grass, on a hill, in the North, away from the bustling busy bodies of the urbane. A place where time, matter stand still for eternity, and onwards. I miss such a place.

I’ve forgotten the warmth of our bodies, playing in the snow as the deer do leap and trot and briskly blunder through the woods of the deep, dark peace. We fall into each other’s arms and do not let go. The snow melts on our faces, mixing with sweat and tears.

I have forgotten the words, thank you, I adore you, I am so in love with you. Here they are. Said aloud for you. The ink bursts forth and declares them yours! til the end of infinity which is very far in the distance, perhaps never to be reached.

I have forgotten the deepest longing of my heart.